I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
