So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
