Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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