For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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