you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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