More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize