Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
