Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
