Your dad touched me again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
