If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
