I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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