Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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