john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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