omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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