I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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