I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize