thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
