I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
