he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he's gonorrhea incarnate
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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