Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
