with your own penis?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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