She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
