He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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