so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
