I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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