she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize