Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
why is half of my head shaved?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
