Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
