my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
