i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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