omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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