A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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