Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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