Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
