I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the day after is always just damage control
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
