Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
