Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
