Apparently you make a good broom.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
