Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize