You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk is not a location!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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