his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize