and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
