I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
