i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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