Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
