I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
