I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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