So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
