Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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