South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
In America we eat man semen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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