Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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