The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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