Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
