so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
