i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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