Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
