dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
