All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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