The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Houston, we have a blender
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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