i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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