True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
