You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
