Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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