So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
