I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
