Non-Jews are for practice
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize