I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
