it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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