Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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