Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
