Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
