Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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