I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I stole a fireplace last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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