Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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