i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
