using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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