i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
