Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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