"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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