I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
