Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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